“Happiness is not a destination, it is a method of life” Burton Hills
One of the most important things in life, in my opinion, is to live your life based on what’s important to you – your values.
So many people live life to other people’s agendas and values, whether it’s parents, teachers or society as a whole. This means that they are not being true to themselves. It’s not selfish to be true to yourself, it is wise, because if you are happy within yourself, you have more to give back to other people.
On aeroplanes they say “Put the oxygen mask on your own face first” – same principle.
Insights about values a key part of career change
Helping people understand their values is one of the key things I help clients with and then we design goals around these values. Everyone has different values, not better not worse, just different. I find that often people are feeling ‘out of sorts’ or unfulfilled in their careers because they are not honouring their values, i.e. what’s important to them.
When values aren’t honoured
Values not being honoured shows up in different ways. For example they have a partner for whom different things are important or their employer values tradition when they value modern. People can have the same value e.g. love but it’s honoured in a different way; one partner may like to hear their partner say that they love them 25 times a day, the other partner likes being hugged to feel loved.
Relationship issues are often about different values
One of the reasons that relationship issues come up all the time when I coach people is because different people have different values, but they haven’t articulated them. This is what causes the tension – not articulating/understanding values.
Check in with your values
I find values are a useful check-in. If I am feeling frustrated with a person or situation, it’s normally because one of my values is being trodden on. If I am lied to, my Honesty value isn’t honoured, if I feel forced to do something against my will, my Right to choose value is squashed. It’s like a framework to help make sense of life and to deal with difficult emotions. An inner compass.
Corporate values
The Credit crunch of 2007/2008 has taught us to question what we used to trust without question. Companies have values too and the good companies live and breathe them through their behaviour and how they act. They don’t just stick a list of words on the corporate wall like integrity, honesty, success and fun.
Clashing values – inner tug of war
Sometimes an individual has clashing values – it’s like having an inner tug of war. Freedom and Belonging is one example; part of you wants to be part of something but most of you wants to feel free, a direct inner conflict. Another example is Security and Adventure; part of you needs security and another part wants to break out and be adventurous. Understanding and managing your conflicting values is vital, especially in uncertain and challenging times.
Honour your values to stay centred
Without wishing to state the obvious, the post coronavirus period we are now living in are challenging times.
If you do one thing and one thing only, honour the things that are important to you and make sure that the people you care about are able to honour the things important to them.
10 tips to live your values
1) Think about what’s really important to you
2) Reflect on times in your life when you felt really frustrated – what was the cause?
3) Get a coach to help you understand your values
4) When you have a difference of opinion with people at work/home – analyse what value isn’t being honoured
5) Picture your ideal life – what would it be like?
6) Think about people you really connect with, What is it about them that works?
7) Be specific in your articulation of your values e.g. Expressing and demonstrating kindness rather than just Kindness
8) Explore whether your values are compatible before committing to a long term partner or employer
9) Prepare incisive questions to get a potential employer to give examples to demonstrate their values and culture as part of your interview.
10) Make a date with yourself and check in every month to review to what extent you have honoured what’s important to you
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